Mom, do you feel me?

 I have  noticed over the last days that my basic form has been created already, and my intuition tells me that from now, I’m going to develop the body parts that I also have. The ball I have on top of my trunk it’s very big, and I’m glad that I float on this amniotic liquid, because if I didn’t have it, I think that this big ball would be very heavy to support. 

Something on the front part of this space has opened for a second, but I've just seen darkness. After that, those membranes or whatever it is, have closed and don’t look like they are going to get opened again. I question myself what is the use of all these new things that I have on me.

How could I imagine that those things will help me in the outside world if now I think that I eat by my belly bottom thanks to my mom feeding? 

I also told you that I discovered large forms on top and bottom parts of my body, which look like completely formed, I’ve just discovered that I have another extremity between the other two, but I can’t move it. It’s funny for me, it’s like a new but little third leg that floats by its way. 

I question myself again: can mommy feel how I move my tiny fists? I hope so, I’m impatient for attracting her attention to me. 

I feel something strange on the hole that I have on my face, like something is growing inside.

Everyone talks about me!

 Today I’m going to tell you what I heard of outside world: my moms mother is more relaxed and not so angry with my existence. She looks like she tries to help my mommy, and now I feel like she’s pleasing me more than weeks before. They get together to the doctor, who is a person that doesn’t stop talking about me. I’m famous! Everyone talks about me! 

One day I felt something very cold on me. I mean, not literally on me, but on the top of the place I’m inside my mom. I was relaxing myself when suddenly, she screamed, but not like another times that was angry or sad. I heard her like surprised and happy. She said: “It’s a boy, I’m going to have a little boy!” 

I’m confused, then, what am I, a baby or a boy? I will question her when I go outside because I’m disoriented about my identify. 

After that emotional moment, I disconnected for a long time for take a break. After that, I get up because mommy was talking, but she wasn’t talking with anyone of her world, she was saying things to me! 

“My little boy, how are I’m going to call you? What do you thing about Tom? Oh, no, my ex boyfriend was called Tom. I also like James, but I feel like you deserve something more special, because you’re the most special thing that had happened to me on my life. I can’t call either way to you, because you’re the person that more happy had ever made me, and I even don’t know you! But I feel like so. I’m going to think about how to call you, it’s late, I’m going to bed, but tomorrow I will look on the Internet for boy’s names.”

I didn’t understand everything he told me, but her voice made me felt very happy, relaxed, sure and loved. 

Let's gossip what happens outside

 As I said before, I'm static on somewhere mommy's body, adhered to a warm and comfortable place where, in a way I can't explain because I don't understand it, I'm being nourished. My mom is incredible, she's my heroine! 

You won't believe me, but I'm growing up very fast! Look, now I'm forming something tender inside my head, and because I am very sensitive I feel connexions on this strange mass I mentioned. I've got two hemispheres on it, and something tells me that this week is crucial for my process. Even my intern organs are very little, they are finally formed. Now it's like my body it's growing up from inside to outside. Little by little, there are large things appearing on my body: two near my head and other two on the bottom part of my small figure. It stills being a mystery what useful can they have, but even so I am very happy. 

I'm not when I hear people screaming to my mom. It's curious because she calls them mom and dad too: how can it be that my mother has also one that is hers? I think I'm not welcomed here, like I'm doing something wrong being here. But if I don't make any noise and I don't disturb anyone! 

Sssh, wait, I hear them talking again. Oh, it seems like I disturb my mothers parents. They tell off her of being reckless and thoughtless. They don't stop repeating: but if you are only 17, how are you going to have a baby!

I don't really know what "having only 17" means. Only? Seventeen looks like something very large, but I don't know what they mean with seventeen. 17 what?

Mommy is crying again, and I would like to tell her that I love her, but I can't even move by my way, I feel impotence because I can't do anything to comfort her. For a long time she has been saying "no, I won't" to her mother (I don't know very well from who's the grave voice I hear). I wasn't understanding nothing when she talked about something called "abort", but I was very scared when she clear up my questions saying: "No, mom, I'm not going to extract and kill my baby". Even if I am frightened, I'm very glad my mom defends me. 

My little trip

 It's amazing, I'm growing up very fast. Now my body measure is of almost 5mm, and it's been extending, I like it! It seems like I'm taking form. Sometimes the place where I am tenses because my mom feels arcades, and I would like to say her: mommy, you are squashing me, don't have nauseas! But I think it's something that she can't control. 

My impression is that is very strange my mom knows I'm here yet, because I am very small and I can't draw her attention because I still being very little. I hope that, when I go outside I will be bigger, because otherwise I will very frightened. From what I heard, everything seems very big and complicated out of my mommy's body. 

By the way! I was waiting to tell yo-- Hey, hey! What's happening? I'm moving, but I don't want to! Who is taking me?? And if get apart of my mom? I couldn't live without her, why am I moving? 

Oh, okey, I have lowered a little and now I'm static. Well, all the static I can be here, you understand what I mean. I think I have settled definitely in somewhere's mom's body place. 

Ugh, what's this?

 I would like to say hello like nothing had happen, but today I felt very bad here inside. Suddenly, after my  mom stops crying because of a hard discussion she had with someone else, a venomous gas entered where I am. Well, it doesn't passed my protective layer, but it wasn't necessary for feeling absentminded and having strange body. If I wouldn't everyday floating in amniotic liquid, I had said that I felt like flying –more than normally I do, I mean–. 

I think mommy isn't good. All her body has been shaking for a long time, while she felt so stressed and upset. But I also felt like something was being freeing from her inside. By the way, I don't know very well if when I said "inside" I'm referring to her body or something else, like something more deep than just a physical reaction. Do you understand what I mean? Actually, I don't. Everything is new for me, and it's difficult to cover al that is happening in and outside. 

Continue with what I was saying at first, after that strange and stressing body shaking of my mom... You maybe call me crazy, but I'm very sensitive and I felt something new and unpleasant on the adipose tissue of the zone that surrounds my little home. 

I've stand very quiet to notice every mommy's movement, and it was so strange, because she had breath very deep, like inhaling all the oxygen of the outside world. Nevertheless, it wasn't air what entered on her lungs, which had expanded and, a little time after, all her muscles were like very relaxed. But... too much relaxed. Through the channel I receive my food, today it had a strange sensation with it that made me felt very bad and dizzy...

I would like to say to my mom that everything is okey and everything will be alright, but it couldn't happen this way if she makes me ingest strange essences that aren't good for neither of us. 

I've got a mom!

 Hello again! I don't know what you have been doing until today, but I've been growing a lot. I've got a new thing inside me: a little but powerful device that makes "boom, boom". Since the 16th day it has been forming on me, and from it are arising very thin springs. When that regulary explosions pumps on my chest, it's like some warm liquid goes through all my body. But I think I'm the only one that knows this discovery I made, because even if I think it's obviously, nobody of outside world has noticed it. 

My form has been extended and I appreciate new parts on me that are incipients, emerging on several portions of myself. I'm a little bit bored here outside, so I spend most of the time trying to hear what is happening on the outside. Thanks to sound waves I can receive in a better mode the news. The most I hear is a high-pitched but sweet voice, but recently her conversations with others are not so sweet. 

I've been noosing around and now I know that everyone of the thing I first thought that was my recipient environment, are disagree with my existence. Me? But, what have I done? I would like to scream that I have no fault of being here inside, but they all talk like I'm an horrible mistake that can be resolved easily. That makes me feel very sad, or is my mommys feelings? I said mom because after hearing a lot of conversations, I discovered that I'm not on a receptor, I'm inside my mother, because I'm her child! I'm very excited since I knew that. Isn't it beautiful? I can't wait to know her, because, for what I've heard, she's the only one that wants me in the world, in HER world. 

It's hard to explain how can I feel sad, but I think it's something that my mommy  does unconsciously and without intentionality, she can't control it; I can sense the physical sadness, and even I've feeling a special connection with her, it's an emotive connexion.